Freefalling

This week shaped up to be pretty eventful-even though I didn’t realize it until I started thinking back on all that occurred throughout the past 6 days. 

     On Monday, I was blessed beyond measure to have dinner with some very precious girlfriends who have been in my life though the college years, dating, getting married, and now raising children.  It’s so fun to relish in their life experiences, Godly perspectives, and honest wisdom about the challenges of life and what we’ve each learned so far along the way.  I am so thankful to have such precious moments as these.  My wonderful hubby was sweet to watch Ellie that night so that I could get away for a much needed Girls’ Night Out!

     On Tuesday, My precious baby sister turned 25!  How old do I feel!  Although she was incredibly busy all day, we were able to celebrate through phone calls, texting and facebook.  Aahh-technology.

     Thursday boasted a whole host of emotions.  Excitement, happiness, disappointment and a bit of overwhelm.  First off, we celebrated my sister at a surprise birthday dinner.  It was so what she needed after a frustrating day at work. 

     Before dinner, my principal called and asked if I had come to a decision regarding my plan for teaching next year.  There was a sense of urgency, as she had just learned of news that our school would have to let go out one teacher this next school year, and my decision would impact whether or not that needed to happen.  I have been waiting to share all of this with family and friends, as the news was hush hush…until now.  After much prayer and contemplation, Jon and I have decided to take a leap of faith, and prepare for the financial sacrifice it will be for me to stay home with our children after the close of the school year.  It was an easy decision, and yet, I labored over if I was thinking selfishly, or I was just struggling with wanting to please everyone else.  I am so excited to say that once we made the decision-God granted the “peace that passes all understanding”.  It is now official – and while I am confident in our choice, and in God’s provision for the future-I was a little overwhelmed after I hung up the phone.  It’s kind of like the moment you start free falling on a rollercoaster.  It takes your breath away for just a moment.  And in the moment, you question if you’ll stay connected to the track and safely finish the ride’s journey. 

     Before the phone call, I found out some disappointing news.  A house that I had found to rent is not available.  We are planning to move out of our house, while my Dad and step-mom move in, and we need to find something within our new price range.  I know that God is faithful, and will provide the right house when we need it.  But, WOW what an endeavor.  It’s a little scary at times, not knowing something major such as where you’ll be living in a few months.  But God is faithful.  Throughout this whole decision making process, I have been comforted over and over again by the verse, “For I am about to do a brand new thing.  See, I have already begun…do you not see it?” – Isaiah 43:19

     On Friday, I was able to share my decision to stay home with my 5^th grade team.  They were so supportive and excited for me.  What a blessing to work with such wonderful women!  I will really miss their support, wisdom, and witty humor.  I have been so fortunate to work with such incredible teachers, students, parents, and principal!  I am so grateful for the past 5 years I’ve had at Smiley Elementary, and I am especially comforted in knowing that God is still using even my leaving to provide for another.  A wonderful woman who is new to our school will be able to continue teaching at Smiley-which is great considering she has 2 children enrolled there.  God really does work everything for good according to His will.

     Saturday has brought the joy and celebration of my amazing Mom!  Her birthday is today, and she is such a fantastic support and source of wise counsel in my life, especially since my becoming a mom myself.  I was fortunate to have to the blessing of my Mom staying home with me, and I am so experience the same joys she provided us by being home.  It’s been fun to reminisce with her and reflect on how much I really love and appreciate all that my Mom has done for me throughout my life.  We had a wonderful time celebrating my mom tonight at a birthday party in her honor.  Happy Birthday Mom!

     Today was also a big day because I was able to witness my little Ellianah taking her first steps all by herself.  She has been practicing and ready for sometime.  But like her mommy-she is very cautious.  Jon is so great about helping her feel confident and secure about trying new things.  It’s remarkable to see how much she really trusts in her Daddy.  An awesome parallel of how I too should trust my Heavenly Father with a little more reckless abandon.  It brought me so much joy to see her take 4 or 5 big steps all by herself before collapsing in her Daddy’s arms.  No video yet…of course. But, we’ll catch her again soon enough!

     Tomorrow is Sunday, and I often forget that I need to really pay attention to what God wants to share with me for the upcoming week.  I hope to spend some quiet time reflecting, resting, and restoring.  To really hear His voice, his desires for me, his revelations to me of things to work on in my own heart.  For now, rest is calling. 

Believe and Be Satisfied

I had an amazing moment just now!  I was trying to recall this wonderful poem that I was given in bookmark form at a Christian conference with my church when I was in 10th grade.  I remember cherishing and loving this poem, almost memorizing its words-and God used it time and time again to encourage me and strengthen me.  


At some point, I misplaced the bookmark.  I searched for it online years ago, recalling brief phrases I remembered of the poem, to no avail.  Many times I came across opportunities to share the encouraging message, wishing I could find it again; with girls I had discipled, or my teen campers when I worked several summers at the JH Ranch Christian Camp in college.


Just tonight, I was thinking about this poem again.  So I got on the computer, and within minutes, I found it!  I immediately starting crying (I do that a lot these days)!  I was so excited to find such a nostalgic memory of such a precious time in my life.  A time when I was single, and feeling very alone, wondering if God really had the amazing man out there for me that I had always prayed for.


So, here it is.  May its words encourage you, or remind you of God's faithfulness in your own life.  I am so excited to have this to share with my children someday.  Its message is still just as moving, its words just as powerful as the first time I read them.

Believe and Be Satisfied

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,

to have a deep soul relationship with another,

to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But, to the Christian, God says,

“No. Not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with living loved by Me alone,

with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,

to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me

– exclusive of any other desires and longing.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,

and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing

 – one that you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the BEST.

Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.

Keep that satisfaction, knowing that I AM.

Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you; and you must wait.

Don’t be anxious, and don’t worry.

Don’t look around at the things others have gotten or that I have given them.

Don’t look at the things you think you want.

Just keep looking off and away and up to Me, or you’ll miss what I have to show you.

And then, when you’re ready,

I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would ever dream.

You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready

(I am working right this minute to have both of you ready at the same time),

and until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I’ve prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me,

and this is the perfect love.

And, My dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love.

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me,

and enjoy materially and sincerely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you Myself.

I love you utterly.

I AM God Almighty.

Believe and be Satisfied.”

-Anonymous

Father Knows Best

It seems that napping and bedtime are cyclical patterns in our home.  For the most part, Ellie has always been a pretty consistent sleeper, but in recent months – she’s developed these patterns of sleep where she’ll pass out immediately without a peep for a few weeks, and then she’ll go through a season of fighting sleep where she cries and gets herself completely worked up.  Sometimes, her outbursts are due to a dirty diaper, a nightmare, teething, or being sick.  But typically, I have to just let her cry it out.

This part is a killer for me, and any mom, I’m sure.  There has never been a point in my daughter’s life where the sound of her cries hasn’t pierced me like a knife.  Call me a softie, or tenderhearted.  I always try to do what’s best for her regardless of how I “feel”-but doing what’s best for her is one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to do.

Doesn’t that sound strange?  You would think that doing the right for your child would be a no-brainer.  Of course, you always want what’s best for them-but actually following through in some situations can be more difficult that I ever anticipated.  I’ve been surprised time and time again at this notion. 

As I laid Ellie down for her nap today-it was another fighting day. 

If I time her nap just right – right before she gets overtired, she lays right down.  Lately-she’s been an expert in disguising her drowsiness.  I wait a little too long, and then we have the battle that ensued today.  I lay her down…she cries hysterically (my heart breaking), I wait patiently for her to calm down, and then she finally falls asleep.  This whole process only takes about 12 minutes, but it feels like an eternity. 

Occasionally, I will go in to soothe her and calm her down, which seems to help sometimes.  Of course, I hear a little voice inside saying “you’re just reinforcing that if she cried, you’ll come”.  But I quickly stifle that voice and reflect on the words of my pediatrician “sometimes, crying is the only way she can tell you she needs you.  It’s okay to go in and comfort her once in while”.  Okay-super.  I’ll just stick with that advice…for now.

Ellie is now sleeping peacefully, and every minute or so, her breathing is interrupted with little “huh-huh”, sighs from crying to hard.  I want so desperately to go and pick her up and just hold her and kiss her while she sleeps.  She is such a sweet little girl, and even at the tender age of one (I have a video monitor) she’ll drop her head like her feelings are hurt, while she sits there crying.  I know. I’m a sucker.  I just have to be strong and hang in there.  I did today, and as I was comforting her from afar, I started thinking about the whole concept of doing what’s best for your child – even when it’s hard.

Sometimes I picture God in this ethereal glory, hovering above the Earth, watching over every sparrow, every person as life goes on.  I always have thought of God as this strong, wholly force who is unmoved by emotion-but rather responds rationally and justly in every circumstance.  But then I think of Jesus, and His time here on the Earth.  Imagine God’s face the night Christ was born, or when He took His first steps.  I have no doubt that my mighty Heavenly Father, the Alpha and Omega had his heart strings tugged on by his precious son, Jesus.  Wow, what an epiphany.  To think that God has these moments of tearful joy, delighting in His child, in His children. 

In these moments when I feel like a weak parent, I think, “Lord, do you know what I’m feeling?  How hard this is for me?  Does it get easier?”  The answer is YES!  He knows exactly how we feel as parents.  I think of how God must’ve felt during the crucifixion, how His heart must have ached to rescue Jesus on the cross.   

Nicole Nordeman sings a powerful song called “Why” on her This Mystery album that describes the crucifixion through the eyes of Christ, a little girl in the crowd, and God as he sits in Heaven.  The most moving part of the song is where God responds to Jesus’ crying out from the cross, 

“My precious Son, I hear them screaming, and I’m watching the face of the enemy beaming.  But soon I will clothe you in robes of My own.  Jesus, this hurts Me much more than you know, but this dark hour-I must do nothing, though I’ve heard your unbearable cries.  The power in your blood destroys all of the lies.  Soon you’ll see past their unmerciful eyes.  Look there below; see the child, trembling by her Father’s side.  Now I can tell you why.  She is why you must die.”

With tears streaming down my face, I reflect on these words.  Can you imagine the pain and anguish that God must’ve felt to watch his son be so brutally executed-all the while having the power to be able to stop the pain in an instant. 

But He doesn’t.

He knows what His son’s pain means, and He loves this sinful world enough to resist that unbearable temptation.  I cannot even begin to imagine the love that God has not only for His son Jesus, but for each of us.

Everytime I struggle to do what is best for Ellie; and these acts are so minimal compared to the cross and Jesus’ sacrifice, I reflect on this song and what God has experienced as a loving Father.  It’s so comforting to know that every joy and pain I experience as a mom has been experienced by my Heavenly Father as well.  He really does know better than any other exactly what we’re going through as parents.

I am so humbled by how much my Father loves me.  Thank you God for doing what’s best for each of us.  You have given me my mothering heart, and the unending love for my children.  It was you who created me this way, and I know you intimately know every need of your children, and have every desire to comfort and protect us-just as we want the same for our children.  And yet, you do what’s best for us.  Thank you for loving us that much!

I am encouraged.  May each of us remember during the difficult and trying moments of parenthood, that God has walked our road, and knows our struggles, and is waiting for us to need him and desire him, and pray for his guidance and strength.  I really believe he delights in nothing more that loving and doting on his children, and our needing Him.  I have been blessed to see so many parallels between my love for Ellie, an God’s love for me.  And even though I am selfish, and sinful-and his love is perfect and blameless, I am so grateful for the lessons I’m learning about my Savior through the journey of being a mom.

13 months

I realized today that I took a bazillion photos of Ellie all throughout her 1^st year-but have not been as good about it since the New Year.  So, I am going to try to be better about that starting now.

Ellie is 13 months now, and growing like a weed.  She is leaving her baby traits behind, and is becoming more of a toddler each day.  It’s bittersweet to see my baby already changing so much-but every phase she enters is so much fun! Her little chunk legs are thinning out as she's crawling more and more, and her face has thinned out a bit too.  She is getting taller and skinnier, and I know she's burning a lot of calories, because she eats like a little piggie most of the time.  He latest favs are dill pickles and yogurt bites.

Now that she can crawl around and explore a little more, it’s really fun to capture her movements, seeing her little brain working as she explores the world around her.

Today was a beautiful day, and since Jon was home, we headed outside to capture some fun, impromptu photos of Ellie crawling around. 

 I was able to capture some fun moments between Ellie and Jon, and was able to get her in her distracted bustle as well.  I just love capturing the moments that she doesn’t know I’m watching her.  This is becoming easier and easier to accomplish these days.

Her latest explorations include:

-opening as many cabinet doors, and proceeding to pull everything out as quickly as possible.

-playing in her “Ellie” drawer in the kitchen, while I cook dinner, and then proceeding to all other off “limits” drawers

-sneaking over to the dogfood bowls and quickly sneaking a piece, while I race over to snatch it from her – she likes to watch her pregnant mommy run.

-playing with all of the buttons and controls on the stereo system while I try to figure out how to fix it.

-attempting to climb the stairs-a very recent adventure she’s just started adding to her to-do list.

-crawling over to any outlet to touch it, as I say an emphatic “NO”, just to watch her try it again…and again.  I’m learning that redirecting is a far better strategy than “no”.  She is DEFINITELY a “praise” baby.  If I say “yay” and clap for her, she immediately turns her attention to other things.

-sneaking whatever food she’s not interested to Samson and Delilah.

-pointing at every fan, the lights, and other random items of “importance” in her little mind.

-giving "hugs" and "kisses" on command (my personal fav), even to her little Lamby 

-screaming at the top of her lungs for shock value, even in public, or in the car-out of nowhere-while we’re driving.  She just wants her sister to know she’s here while in the womb. J

  I LOVE YOU Ellie Rose!  I wouldn’t change a thing about you!  Especially your little tantrums when you know you’re doing something you’re not supposed to....as I fight back the giggles!

A Winning Smile...

Ellianah has been in the mimicking phase for while now, and she has this fantastic “cheese” face that she just recently introduced after watching me make big cheesy grins at her in the rear-view mirror of the car all of the time.  One day she started making the hilarious scrunch face, and at first, we couldn’t figure out where she got it from.  I finally realized, and we’ve been getting her to do her “cheese” face on command ever since.

She first really introduced it at her one-year birthday party in December. 

It has since evolved, and now there are several variations of it.  The tired version, when she’s sleepy and we’re driving to school/daycare in the morning is hilarious.  Yesterday, I did the cheese face to her, and she blinked her eyes dramatically, but opted out of the smile, since her pacifier was in her mouth.  It was so cute!  We blinked back and forth and couple of times, and I had a good little giggle!  Of course, I was unable to snap a picture of this, since I was driving.  Maybe it will reappear when I have my camera (not while driving, of course). 

When she does have the energy to give us the full cheesy grin in all its glory, it’s more of a dramatic and intense blink combined with a grin and clenching of the teeth.  

It makes Jon and I giggle every time!  I absolutely love this precious little girl!

The Shabby Shoppe

   I have always been a lover of scrapbooking and creative crafty projects. From my childhood days of Christmas and craft boutiques with my mom, to doodling and creating cards in high school, to scrapbooking through my many years as an employee at the amazing Crackerjack Too! Scrapbook Co. in Redlands.

   After I became a teacher, I found myself pouring any available creativity I had into setting up my home and my classroom. I stopped scrapbooking all together, and whenever I tried to pick it back up again, it was like an athlete who hadn’t played in awhile-and went out for a quick pick me up game with buddies. I was out of practice, and by the time I had everything out, set-up, and had decided what project to tackle first…it was time to clean it all up and go back to work, or whatever other priorities took precedence at the time.

   I remember when digital scrapbooking first came about. I was a die-hard “old-school” scrapper, and I was determined that digital scrapbooking was unauthentic and one-dimensional and fake. Not “real” scrapbooking. There wasn't that creative, handmade feel to it.  To be honest, at the time, some of my judgments were partially true because there weren’t many available resources for Digi-Scrapping, and the ones that DID exist were in their infancy stage and just barely developing product.

   So, I postponed my creative hobby for a few more years, and decided that I would get back to it when “I had time”. Ya, like when I get to heaven. My sister continued to inspire me with her cute mini-books, and collage boards and various scrapbook crafts. But, I knew I was the Queen of unfinished projects, and I still had countless amounts of unused scrapbooking supplies from my years of “working in the biz”, and I just didn’t want to get in the middle of another unfinished project. So, I stuck to little projects. Did I finish any of those…nope.

Years passed, and in November of 2009, I was pregnant (very pregnant) with Ellie, and visiting my sis-in-law’s family for my niece’s birthday party. My sis-in-law’s sister (got that) was there visiting from Texas, and she had brought along her latest book of her oldest daughter’s 1^st year-created using a Digital Scrapbook kit and an online book binding company.

   I was mesmerized! I seriously couldn’t focus on anything else! Here I was at my precious niece’s birthday party, and I couldn’t stop looking at the book, and asking tons of questions, and trying to memorize every detail of every page. It was stunning! A masterpiece! She had basically created a hardback book that had pictures and journaling documenting all of the important events, stories, memories and joys of the 1^st year of her daughter’s life. It was so awesome!

   I was immediately hooked! She graciously copied some of the free kits that she downloaded off of her favorite site, the Shabby Shoppe, and burned them to a disk for me to try at home. You would have thought it was my MY birthday! I eagerly went home, popped the disk in, and then realized I had to have the software to use the kits. So, I downloaded a 30 trial of Photoshop Elements, and figured that would give me enough time to play around and determine if this was really something I would commit to and be interested in. The software would be an initial investment-but other than that, I had plenty of kits to keep me busy for awhile, and the only real cost would be ordering each book.

I had found the perfect thing to keep my mind occupied until Ellie was due to arrive about a month later.

   Needless to say, I LOVE IT! It’s wonderful to scrapbook digitally because it’s all self-contained in your computer! You just complete each page, save it, and then upload the finished product to the online printing company of your choice, and VOILA!

   So, here are a few examples of the pages I have worked on for Ellie’s 1^st book. I stared it before she was born, and then the reality of being a new mom set in, and I had to put it off for a few months. But, I’m almost finished, and am so excited to order the finished book.

I can’t take credit for these pages. I went onto the Shabby Shoppe's gallery, and basically mimicked pages that I thought were cute-as it can be a little overwhelming to create a layout completely from scratch at first. Plus, I had to get used to the Photoshop software too. 

Fondue of You

I don’t take the time very often to do fun girly things for myself much anymore.  I need to be better about that-but it seems there are always other things to do or spend money on.  So, I have started painting my nails at home every once in awhile because I love that newly polished look, plus, I feel more dolled up in my sweats! Ha!

So, I just tried my new favorite nail polish from O.P.I. called “I’m Fondue of You”.  It was one of my fabulous stocking stuffers for Christmas-thanks Mom!  Anyway, I love the color-but I especially love the quality of O.P.I. polishes!  I can’t believe how much wear and tear these nails have taken, and they still look great.  These pics are 1 week after I initially polished my nails! Anywhoo, it’s a fun splurge. 

    My next adventure will be trying a fun new Gunmetal color by Sally Hansen – recommended by my friend Jenn.  It’s fun to stop and do something for yourself every now and again.  Plus, Ellie loves mommy’s newly painted nails!  She keeps grabbing my fingers like they’re covered in chocolate. I can’t wait until she’ll sit still long enough for me to paint her little nails.  She is already SUCH a girl!  I love it! 

Cute Seasonal Pennant Banner

Last fall, I was inspired by one of my crafty neighbors who created a really cute pennant banner in various Halloween colored fabrics to hang above her porch entryway.  It was cute because she didn’t use super busy prints, she just stuck with a few colors that went with her decorating scheme at Halloween.  I remember loving the idea – but I was 7 months pregnant at the time, and was still getting ready for baby-so I snapped a few pics, and put it on my to-do list for later.

The following summer, I was remembering this little project, and was on summer break and in need of a fun and easy project to work on during Ellie’s naptime.  So, I used the inspiration and created a 4^th of July themed banner to hang outside on my porch.  It was actually pretty easy once I had the template.  I didn’t even sew it, and per the advice of my neighbor, used fusible adhesive to bind the fabric and extra wide bias tape together.  A little ironing, and viola – I had a really cute banner to hang outside of my house.  And for those of you who didn’t know – I am ridiculously obsessed with decorating for the holidays.  I always do either a tree or something around my dining room mirror for all of the main holidays.  Its a little nuts, but I grew up with a mom who always decorated for the main holidays – and it made the year so much fun!

Materials: 

-6 to 8 varieties of your favorite seasonally colored fabric – approx. a ½ yd. of each

(choose a variety of textures and prints for added interest)

-cardboard to make a template (my pennant was about 5” wide by 11-12 inches tall)

-extra wide bias tape (choose a color that works with your fabric)

-bond adhesive (on the roll) to be used with an iron

-pinking shears (to keep the fabric from fraying)

-any other trinkets/buttons, etc. you want to add

Rough Directions:

-make a template from the cardboard

-trace 2 pennants from the same fabric (to go back to back), and create enough to make a banner.  I made about 5 double-sided pennants per fabric choice.

-cut out the pennants and piece together, pretty side out

-glue the pennants together, so you end up with approx. 30 double sided pieces.

-iron bonding tape to one side of each pennant, and then iron to the inside of the bias tape.

-turn the entire banner over, apply bonding adhesive to the opposite side of each pennant.

-fold bias tape over and them iron the second side.

TIP:  I felt like even though this was easy-it was A LOT of gluing and ironing.  It might just be easier to sew the pennants together, and them sew each to the bias tape.  Whatever works for you!  My sewing machine was packed away so I opted for ironing.

New Project:  here is my fabric inspiration for my own Halloween banner...although, I'll have to get to that later. :)

Photo Collage Boards

A few months back, I start a blog where I talked about a project.  So, here's a recap from the original post, and pictures to match!
     I have been working on some different projects over the past few months, and I wanted to post some pictures of my progress. I have been working on a photo wall that was inspired by my Aunts' and my Grandmother. 
     When I was young, they started a photo wall of three simple bulletin boards that had a variety of pictures from all of the grandkids and their growth through the years. I remember being really excited to see what new pictures of each of us had been added to the wall each time we made a visit to my Grandma's. Such a simple but precious memory from my childhood. 
     So, I have decided to duplicate this project in my own home. I have three bulletin boards, and I covered two of them with fabric, and purchased a framed one for the center. I hung them with drapery tie backs and it adds a nice architectural element and really makes it like artwork on the wall. 
     I decided to use one board for pictures of Jon's life and family, one for pictures of my life and family, and the center one for pictures of our life together. It's turned out pretty cool, and is a great way to display all of those photos that you have and haven't room to display or scrapbook. Whenever family come over to visit, they enjoy seeing pictures of themselves and I am confident it's going to be a great conversation starter for many a family gathering!
      I still need to finish adding pictures to Jon's board.  I am in the process of scanning all of them first, just in case.  The center board will be a continual work in progress as it's of our immediate little Allen family.

  Adjustments - per my Aunt's advice, I think I'll replace the push pins with straight pins for a cleaner look.