you're not the perfect parent 101...

The past 24 hours have been some of the toughest hours of my parenting thus far. My sweet daughter, Ellie, who has been and remains a remarkably bright and passionate little girl-has been going through a hard time.  Her beautiful heart is so troubled by the terrible two’s/teething/a battle of the wills – or something of that nature.  Bedtime and naptime have become times we dread rather than times of peace.  More often than not I find my little Ellie resisting and testing rather than obeying.  I know this is all normal, but I feel helpless.  It’s a terrible thing to feel lost.  Although, I have a feeling “help” and “now what” are common threads woven throughout one’s parenting story. As a perfectionist and doting mom, I desire nothing more than to figure out the problem, find a solution-and be done with it.  Let’s get right back to having well-behaved kids that do what I want them to do.  For the most part-we’ve been blessed to have that parenting experience up to this point.  I realize that my children have been very good babies, and while they continue to be great kids-I knew we were about due for some rougher waters.

Wait a minute, you mean she has her OWN ideas about things?  She’s her own little unique person with her own mind and desires and ideas? Wait a minute, was this disclosed in the paperwork I signed in my sleepless state at the hospital before we took her home? J  Where’s that instruction manual!

The hardest part is feeling so helpless and lost as to what to do.  The truth is that there is no perfect answer because every child and circumstance is different.  I have realized that I am not perfect, I cannot figure everything out, and I will make many mistakes.  But hopefully-I will work though them with a patient and loving heart, and a humble spirit.  I think one of most difficult realizations I’ve experienced as a mom is realizing how proud/ignorant/arrogant I can be.  It’s increasingly obvious that I am out of my realm of knowing what to do, and I desperately need the grace and guidance of my gracious heavenly father to lead me along these crooked paths.  I am so thirsty for parenting advice, wisdom and guidance.  I’ve been reading books, listening to radio segments, reading blogs, you name it.  Yet-God is the only one there at 2 in the morning when you don’t know what else to do.

I heard something during a Focus on the Family parenting pod cast the other day that really stuck with me.  The guest speaker mentioned that she often counsels parents who have done everything “right”, and yet their children continued to stray from their parent’s counsel.  She reminded the audience “Who is the perfect parent – God, of course.  And yet, how many times do we ignore, neglect or disobey his instruction and counsel.”  This brought me comfort in remembering that I cannot control who my children become.  I can only lead by example, seek the Lord in parenting them, and then trust that God will take care of guiding their hearts to Him and His ways.  This must be why praying for our kids is so important.  My children are not “mine”.  They are God’s.  I am merely blessed with the task of doing my best to lead them to Him.  I am always comforted in knowing that in everything, yes EVERYTHING, I can seek the Lord for comfort and encouragement.  He has walked this road, and lived this life.  He knows EXACTLY how I feel.  Thank you Jesus for always being a source of comfort and refuge for my soul. 

Let's be honest...

Do you ever feel bowled over with inspiration?  Ya know, to the point that you’re stuck with what to pursue and how, and when?  I giggle when I hear people ask “Are you bored being at home all day?”  Are you kidding me?  While it has its definite moments of loneliness and isolation, it’s ANYTHING but boring.  Sometimes, I feel like I’m running from one thing to the next just to get things done in a day.  Sometimes, I spend all day just changing diapers, wiping noses and being the tickle monster – and it just flies by!

So, lately I have been ADDICTED (admission is the first step) to Pinterest.  I get on there and get all excited about the many fun ideas I see, and then my bad habits set in.  I am a chronic perfectionist and a procrastinator (a terrible combo), which often leaves me all pumped up and motivated to the point that I become paralyzed with the thought of having so many ideas, and not knowing what to do first.  This resulting in my making a massive “to-do” list and upon finishing, (realizing, of course, that naptime is over) I’ve made yet ANOTHER list, and I’ve accomplished nothing…again.

So, a few weeks ago, I decided I’d had enough of myself, and I started planning things out. Taking a couple of hours to plan things out for myself has resulted in a much less overwhelmed, still inspired, reading to take on mommyhood/crafting/blogging/cleaning/ya, I could do that too…”me”. 

I have decided that I HAVE to get better about blogging.  When I wait too long, I feel all the pressure (self-inflicted) to update on all the latest, and I become overwhelmed, and another day passes, and I get more discouraged.  So, I am going to approach this differently.  Each week, I am going to set the timer for 20 minutes.  Whatever I can accomplish in twenty minutes will get posted.  At least that way I will blog once a week, and be able to stay up to date.

My problem is that while most people have one or two interests that they really focus on at once, I have a gazillion…yes, that’s right…a gazillion. This year I have really committed to finishing whatever I start.  So, I am trying to start new things slowly, working them into my routine. 

Here’s what I’ve got so far: (over the past couple of months)

A WEEKLY CLEANING SCHEDULE: This way I don’t feel like “the house is always a mess”.  I have a day for each of the main rooms.  That way, I can play with my kids even though I want to vacuum because I know I have already carved out time for it.  This may sound insane or really anal, but when you stay at home, your home is your life.  I just want to feel like I have mine under control.  I’m really not that dedicated to cleaning-but I want to model good habits for my family.  Plus, my hubby an I can enjoy time together when he’s home instead of worrying about the “chores”.

A CRAFTING/BLOGGING/REST time:

I have carved out little opportunities to work on “me” stuff, including resting and relaxing.  I am still figuring out how to work in daily devotionals each day.  Sometimes it’s through praying with my kids, or while running errands, or listening to worship music, or nursing my sweet Charlotte.

A WEEKLY MENU:

So many moms I know (including my mom) operate on a weekly dinner menu.  It really helps in resisting the urge to eat out, plus it saves us money and I feel like I’m providing nourishing meals for my family.  I LOVED when my mom cooked when I was growing up, and I can count on one hand the number of meals we would eat out in a year.  She made the BEST food, and I love that tradition of cooking with your kids.  There’s something so therapeutic about cooking and I can’t wait to grow as a cook, and eventually share that interest with my kids.  Nothing’s better than seeing the smile on Jon’s face when he comes home to a yummy home-cooked meal.  The best reward in the world!  He makes me feel like a professional chef when he comments of my cooking, it’s so affirming!  Plus, Ellie has taking a recent interest in “m’kin dinur” with mommy.  I give her a spoon and a mushroom to “dice” next to me while I’m prepping, and she LOVES it!  Such precious moments with my little one!

TMOMS:

I just joined the mom’s group at Trinity Church, and I am so excited to be a part!  I have always wanted to join and am so grateful to have the chance this “semester”.  Every two weeks, we get together and pray, and eat, and fellowship and I am so blessed to have a “mommy outing” while Ellie enjoys her playgroup.  I am confident this time will nourish both Ellie and I, and will leave us feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. 

Now that I have these basic schedules in place, I feel I am much more confident in knowing that “there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven” –Ecclesiastes 3:1.  It really gives me peace knowing that I am doing my best to make time for my God, myself, and my family…in that order too!  I know that I am useless as a mommy without getting filled up by my Heavenly Father each day.  

A series of unfortunate events…

     The week was different.  I am exhausted physically, mentally, and spiritually.  I feel like I am fighting my own thoughts 24/7.  I can’t even escape them in my sleep.  In spite of my human weaknesses, I am trying to keep life in perspective and remember that some of the things that are taken up by my worry are not really that important.

     First up, my Ellie is sick again.  She has had one cold after another, after another!  Her left eardrum burst a couple of weeks ago, and just a mere 3 days after finishing her antibiotics-she developed a horrible cold that left us wondering what had happened to the healthy baby girl we once knew.  Thankfully, Jon was off and able to take her to get her healing ear checked out, along with everything else.  Turns out, her ear is healing great (praise God), but the other ear was bulging and red, and she has a lot of crackling and congestion in her lungs.  So, now she’s on Erythromycin for a week.  I am SO THANKFUL that she is getting what she needs to sleep and get well, but I’ve been feeling like the worst mommy ever.  Especially when all I hear is “she’s sick…again”.  They don’t mean anything by it, but I of course, feel horribly guilty that she has to be exposed to the germs from my teaching all day, her Daddy being at a hospital all day, and fulltime daycare.  This is just the way life is for now.  Many moms and dads deal with this kind of thing all the time.  But for some reason, it feels like a personal failure when my little one gets sick.  I know, I need to just get over it.  I just wish I could take her place and spare her the discomfort.  (Welcome to mommyhood, right).

     Secondly, the number 34. 

34 is the number of days that we have left before we are projected to move into a place to rent.  Our goal is to be moved by April 1^st so that we can get settled before baby girl #2 arrives at the end of May.  Oh-and we have no prospects in sight.  There are many amazing houses, but none of them have quite worked out.  I am having to let Jon handle it all because my nerves and blood pressure just can’t handle it, (I seem to be incapable of being rational and objective while pregnant).   Again, I know God is in control.  But, I am really struggling, more like wrestling with trusting God completely with this whole situation.  But-I’m slowly beating down the enemy.  I have been reading a “verse of the day” devotion and have found it amazingly applicable all week.  So while I feel like I’m failing miserably at trusting God, I also feel like I have stopped fighting, and am now just resting in God’s arms.  I have nothing left.  I give up the fight.  You win Lord.  I don’t know how to solve this problem.  “Wake me when we get there.” 

     Finally, the weirdest thing happened last night.  I was driving home from my school’s Science Fair, and I suddenly felt extremely compelled to pray for this family that I don’t know.  Let me back up.  Last weekend, we found the perfect house to rent.  It was everything we wanted, great size, the right price, pets allowed, and a fantastic location.  We had already turned in our application for a credit check, and were feeling “in” with the real estate rep of the property. 

     So, back to my strange discernment experience: Jon had shared with me that the property was available because the family living in the home was going through a divorce.  At first, I was sad – but my thoughts turned to other things.  But last night, I felt a very strong prompting from God to pray specifically for this family.  So, on my drive home, I began praying that God would restore this family, that he would encourage reconciliation between the couple, and would protect the children (if any) from emotional damage.  That this was even more important that the whole house thing.

     So I get home, catching up with Jon, and he gets an email from the real estate rep.  Turns out, the property is suddenly no longer available (Jon had just turned in our application hours earlier, mind you).  When he read further, he shared that the family currently renting the home had decided not to proceed with the divorce, and to reconcile, and thus-stay in the home.

   I almost started crying-reacting to the strange combo of emotions I was feeling from disappointment in losing such a great possible home, and elation in feeling like God had almost prepared me on the way home for the news we were to receive.  I also felt like, it the Heavenly realm, the fact that this couple was pursuing reconciliation was so much more significant and important than our renting that property.  It was really cool, and weird. 

     So, here we are again, back at square one.  There are times when I question myself.  When I question the decision that we’ve made to take the crazy leap of faith and move out of our house so that I can stay home with our kids.  And yet, I know without a doubt that I have made the best decision for my family.  God has confirmed this multiple times to me throughout the past couple of months.

     Last weekend, I felt like my trust in God was nothing but lip service, so I decided to write down my prayer of Thanksgiving.  Maybe speaking and proclaiming God’s truth every time will help to convince my head of what I already know in my heart.

     A few days later, I was listening to a song that spoke of how God uses our lives, our trials, and our experiences-to minister to others.  He is able to use his miraculous works in our lives to bring ultimate Glory to Himself!  So, here I am, in a place of humility sharing that even though I am scared, uncertain, and unknowing of how all things will work out for our family in the next 34 days-I am confident that God will not only answer our prayers, but use our circumstances to bring Glory to Himself.  So many times in Jon and my marriage, God has orchestrated circumstances that push us out the spotlight, so that all of the Glory can be His alone!  I know that God is doing this once more, so I gladly step aside, and say-To God be the Glory for the things He WILL do and has already done! 

For God so LOVED the World-Happy Valentine's Day!

     Valentine’s Day is such a beautiful day to celebrate love and being loved.  Not just in the romantic sense, but in every sense of the word. I was researching the meaning of love, and stumbled upon a great article that referenced some key scriptures that God has used to show us how to love, and what love is really all about. 

     It stated “The Bible covers two types of love: agape and phileo. Agape love is represented by God's love for us.  The other kind of love, phileo, is considered "brotherly love."

     I was personally ministered to by these three verses, because I think they are a great reminder of how God loves his children (Agape), how we are to love God in return, and how we should love each other (Phileo).

     "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life."

     "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10:27)

     "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

     One of the last passages of this article really got me.  It reminded me that I must choose to love my husband, my children, my friends, family, and even strangers-everyday.  I have to renew that desire and that purpose everyday.

     “But, above everything else that is demonstrated in God's Word, it's important to keep in mind that love/romance is an action. It's not passive, and it's not a feeling. It's a verb. It requires you to do something in order to bring it to pass. It also requires that you put the other person's wants and desires above your own. Whenever you need a reminder, go back and read 1 Corinthians 13. And remember, you don't have to do it alone. God's Spirit will work through you. All you have to do is ask.”

     I pray that I can show love to my friends, my family, my hubby and children, my colleagues and those I don’t know everyday.  It’s not always easy-but it IS a choice. Thankfully, as the passage mentions-I don’t have to do this all on my own (hallelujah).  God is the one who I must rely on daily, to provide me the desire and will to purposefully show love, and act in love to others.

I want to challenge myself to commit to that choice everyday.

     Happy Valentine’s Day!  Know that YOU are LOVED!

Sometimes, Life is just so "daily"...

The past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind!  I feel like I’ve experienced almost every emotion imaginable-but thankfully, God has brought me full circle, and back to a place of thanksgiving and joy in knowing that I can’t sweat the small stuff, and GOD IS IN CONTROL!  We’ve experienced some funny, scary, and frustrating moments that have kept me on my toes (all but one-I’ll explain later), up at night, and laughing until I cry just to get through at times.  But through it all-I have been reminded that life goes on, and things could always be worse.  Complaining is useless, and God is so faithful to meet our every need. 

Here are some of the things we’ve been through in the past 2 weeks: 

-Ellie was very sick due to a cold, teething, constipation, and an undiagnosed ear infection that caused a ruptured eardrum ALL AT ONCE.  She was such a trooper through it all, and I just can’t believe what a champ she was!  Thank God for antibiotics!

-My “I do” mom (married my Dad), while celebrating their 10 year anniversary tomorrow to my Dad (yay), has been counseling and supporting the emotional burden of her ex-husband's recent diagnosis of Stage 4 Melanoma cancer.

-Several homes we’ve called on to rent in April have echoed “no pets”...to our discouragement.

-I almost ripped off my toenail (not pretty and very annoying more than anything) being a klutz, and was forced to hobble, while pregnant, with a 14 month old. (Are you playing your tiny violin for me?) J

-Sophia, Ellie’s 7-month-old cousin in Idaho contracted a MRSA Staph infection and had to have surgery.  She’s recovering-but she’s still not out of the dark just yet.

-Our MAC desktop up and died for no reason…turns out he problem was an easy fix, and covered under the warranty-hallelujah!

-I am celebrating 25 weeks of pregnancy this Tuesday, a fabulous Valentine’s Day with my hubby, a healthy daughter, and the privilege of having a bed to sleep in, a home to live in, food on my table, and a car to drive!

Even though these past 2 weeks have been trying, I am reminded that my issues are so minor and insignificant at times when compared to what my friends, family and neighbors are all dealing with.

God did not promise of a life without trial and circumstance, but He did promise to walk the journey with us, to give us the tools needed to navigate through, and even keep us laughing in the midst of frustration. 

I am so thankful, so blessed and so humbled.

Believe and Be Satisfied

I had an amazing moment just now!  I was trying to recall this wonderful poem that I was given in bookmark form at a Christian conference with my church when I was in 10th grade.  I remember cherishing and loving this poem, almost memorizing its words-and God used it time and time again to encourage me and strengthen me.  


At some point, I misplaced the bookmark.  I searched for it online years ago, recalling brief phrases I remembered of the poem, to no avail.  Many times I came across opportunities to share the encouraging message, wishing I could find it again; with girls I had discipled, or my teen campers when I worked several summers at the JH Ranch Christian Camp in college.


Just tonight, I was thinking about this poem again.  So I got on the computer, and within minutes, I found it!  I immediately starting crying (I do that a lot these days)!  I was so excited to find such a nostalgic memory of such a precious time in my life.  A time when I was single, and feeling very alone, wondering if God really had the amazing man out there for me that I had always prayed for.


So, here it is.  May its words encourage you, or remind you of God's faithfulness in your own life.  I am so excited to have this to share with my children someday.  Its message is still just as moving, its words just as powerful as the first time I read them.

Believe and Be Satisfied

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,

to have a deep soul relationship with another,

to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But, to the Christian, God says,

“No. Not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with living loved by Me alone,

with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,

to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me

– exclusive of any other desires and longing.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,

and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing

 – one that you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the BEST.

Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.

Keep that satisfaction, knowing that I AM.

Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you; and you must wait.

Don’t be anxious, and don’t worry.

Don’t look around at the things others have gotten or that I have given them.

Don’t look at the things you think you want.

Just keep looking off and away and up to Me, or you’ll miss what I have to show you.

And then, when you’re ready,

I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would ever dream.

You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready

(I am working right this minute to have both of you ready at the same time),

and until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I’ve prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me,

and this is the perfect love.

And, My dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love.

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me,

and enjoy materially and sincerely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you Myself.

I love you utterly.

I AM God Almighty.

Believe and be Satisfied.”

-Anonymous

Father Knows Best

It seems that napping and bedtime are cyclical patterns in our home.  For the most part, Ellie has always been a pretty consistent sleeper, but in recent months – she’s developed these patterns of sleep where she’ll pass out immediately without a peep for a few weeks, and then she’ll go through a season of fighting sleep where she cries and gets herself completely worked up.  Sometimes, her outbursts are due to a dirty diaper, a nightmare, teething, or being sick.  But typically, I have to just let her cry it out.

This part is a killer for me, and any mom, I’m sure.  There has never been a point in my daughter’s life where the sound of her cries hasn’t pierced me like a knife.  Call me a softie, or tenderhearted.  I always try to do what’s best for her regardless of how I “feel”-but doing what’s best for her is one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to do.

Doesn’t that sound strange?  You would think that doing the right for your child would be a no-brainer.  Of course, you always want what’s best for them-but actually following through in some situations can be more difficult that I ever anticipated.  I’ve been surprised time and time again at this notion. 

As I laid Ellie down for her nap today-it was another fighting day. 

If I time her nap just right – right before she gets overtired, she lays right down.  Lately-she’s been an expert in disguising her drowsiness.  I wait a little too long, and then we have the battle that ensued today.  I lay her down…she cries hysterically (my heart breaking), I wait patiently for her to calm down, and then she finally falls asleep.  This whole process only takes about 12 minutes, but it feels like an eternity. 

Occasionally, I will go in to soothe her and calm her down, which seems to help sometimes.  Of course, I hear a little voice inside saying “you’re just reinforcing that if she cried, you’ll come”.  But I quickly stifle that voice and reflect on the words of my pediatrician “sometimes, crying is the only way she can tell you she needs you.  It’s okay to go in and comfort her once in while”.  Okay-super.  I’ll just stick with that advice…for now.

Ellie is now sleeping peacefully, and every minute or so, her breathing is interrupted with little “huh-huh”, sighs from crying to hard.  I want so desperately to go and pick her up and just hold her and kiss her while she sleeps.  She is such a sweet little girl, and even at the tender age of one (I have a video monitor) she’ll drop her head like her feelings are hurt, while she sits there crying.  I know. I’m a sucker.  I just have to be strong and hang in there.  I did today, and as I was comforting her from afar, I started thinking about the whole concept of doing what’s best for your child – even when it’s hard.

Sometimes I picture God in this ethereal glory, hovering above the Earth, watching over every sparrow, every person as life goes on.  I always have thought of God as this strong, wholly force who is unmoved by emotion-but rather responds rationally and justly in every circumstance.  But then I think of Jesus, and His time here on the Earth.  Imagine God’s face the night Christ was born, or when He took His first steps.  I have no doubt that my mighty Heavenly Father, the Alpha and Omega had his heart strings tugged on by his precious son, Jesus.  Wow, what an epiphany.  To think that God has these moments of tearful joy, delighting in His child, in His children. 

In these moments when I feel like a weak parent, I think, “Lord, do you know what I’m feeling?  How hard this is for me?  Does it get easier?”  The answer is YES!  He knows exactly how we feel as parents.  I think of how God must’ve felt during the crucifixion, how His heart must have ached to rescue Jesus on the cross.   

Nicole Nordeman sings a powerful song called “Why” on her This Mystery album that describes the crucifixion through the eyes of Christ, a little girl in the crowd, and God as he sits in Heaven.  The most moving part of the song is where God responds to Jesus’ crying out from the cross, 

“My precious Son, I hear them screaming, and I’m watching the face of the enemy beaming.  But soon I will clothe you in robes of My own.  Jesus, this hurts Me much more than you know, but this dark hour-I must do nothing, though I’ve heard your unbearable cries.  The power in your blood destroys all of the lies.  Soon you’ll see past their unmerciful eyes.  Look there below; see the child, trembling by her Father’s side.  Now I can tell you why.  She is why you must die.”

With tears streaming down my face, I reflect on these words.  Can you imagine the pain and anguish that God must’ve felt to watch his son be so brutally executed-all the while having the power to be able to stop the pain in an instant. 

But He doesn’t.

He knows what His son’s pain means, and He loves this sinful world enough to resist that unbearable temptation.  I cannot even begin to imagine the love that God has not only for His son Jesus, but for each of us.

Everytime I struggle to do what is best for Ellie; and these acts are so minimal compared to the cross and Jesus’ sacrifice, I reflect on this song and what God has experienced as a loving Father.  It’s so comforting to know that every joy and pain I experience as a mom has been experienced by my Heavenly Father as well.  He really does know better than any other exactly what we’re going through as parents.

I am so humbled by how much my Father loves me.  Thank you God for doing what’s best for each of us.  You have given me my mothering heart, and the unending love for my children.  It was you who created me this way, and I know you intimately know every need of your children, and have every desire to comfort and protect us-just as we want the same for our children.  And yet, you do what’s best for us.  Thank you for loving us that much!

I am encouraged.  May each of us remember during the difficult and trying moments of parenthood, that God has walked our road, and knows our struggles, and is waiting for us to need him and desire him, and pray for his guidance and strength.  I really believe he delights in nothing more that loving and doting on his children, and our needing Him.  I have been blessed to see so many parallels between my love for Ellie, an God’s love for me.  And even though I am selfish, and sinful-and his love is perfect and blameless, I am so grateful for the lessons I’m learning about my Savior through the journey of being a mom.

A Fresh Start...

So, in the hours that passed from Dec. 31^st, 2010 to Jan. 1^st, 2011 – I became recharged, renewed and ready to embrace my new goal “INVEST” for 2011.  I started by jotting down a few personal goals for myself, and even though it’s only been a day, I feel rejuvenated. 

  I have been in a slump the past couple of weeks.  Partially due to pregnancy fatigue, feeling blah, and recovering from a never-ending cold.  And partially from being anxious about all that must happen in our lives throughout the next 6 months.  It’s almost like when I have a lot to think about and gear up for…without having to tools to tackle the problem…I get paralyzed with complacency.  I sit around and do nothing, until my body finally cries out for productivity!

  I remember a specific instance where this was the case, at the very start of my relationship with Jon.  He was in Germany playing basketball for a season, and his brother Caleb and I had gone over to visit and stay with him for about 6 weeks.  Well, all there was to do was work out at the local gym (the gym where Arnold’s trainer still worked out), eat, play video games or watch movies, go check email at the University computer lab, and sleep.  Although, most of our free time was spent doing movies, games, eating or sleeping because many shops closed at odd times, it’s was January and freezing, and gas cost a fortune.  Anyway, I had been there about a week, and I was starting to go stir crazy.  I needed something to do.  A project.  The boys were totally content to sleep in till noon, work out, eat lunch, play games, eat, watch a movie, sleep…and repeat.  I just couldn’t handle it.  I don’t know why exactly.  I guess I was just used to having more creative hobbies to occupy my time.  Not the boys fault, but none-the-less, everyday around 11am…after sitting in the dark on my bed (we had blackout shades), I would start huffing and puffing, hoping they’d wake up so I could open the blinds. 

So, this slump was sort of like that because I have been feeling unproductive for a couple of months now.  In the past month, I had just finished my usual bout of pregnancy sickness, was hit hard with a bad cold, and then any other available energy I had left was taken up by the holiday craze. 

So, after being to a point of boredom, I finally got over myself, and cleaned my room!  It felt great!  And suddenly, I had purpose again!  I was inspired to work on something else.  I started this blog as a way to occupy my thoughts and keep myself from worrying about things beyond my control (and let’s be honest…everything else as well).  Then I got inspired to finish a project…so I’m working on the digital scrapbook I started of Ellie’s 1^st year. 

Now, unfortunately, this seems to be what always happens right as my vacation starts to wind to a close.  It’s like I take some time to rest and recover, then I spend a little time being lazy, and then I realize I’d better have something to show for my time off, and I get to work.  Oh well, at least I didn’t wait till I was already back to school saying “would-a, should-a, could-a”.

Alas, I will accomplish at much as I can this next week, and will leave the rest for another time.  At least I’ve got my spring back in my step.  And if 2^nd trimester  proves true as the nesting trimester-I may get more done that I’d planned to do!

Until then…I’m off to scrapbook while my bubs plays games with his brothers, my sweet Ellie rests peacefully, and there is a forecast says snow for the Yucaipa area tonight and tomorrow!  Crossing my fingers!

Transition...

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Eccles. 3:1

On this beautiful New Year’s Eve, I am surrounded by the resolutions, hopes, to-do lists, and wishes of those around me. I was inspired by a dear friend’s blog who has made it her habit to choose a “one-word” resolution each New Year’s. Being a teacher, I am very fond of borrowing a great idea, so I too am going to think of one good word to sum up my resolution goals for the year 2011.

But first, 2010. What an amazing year! At the start of 2010, we were still relishing the sleepless nights of being new parents to our brand new Ellianah, at a mere 17 days old! She has been the main highlight of this year, and Jon and I both have been so humbled, blessed, and overjoyed to experience our sweet baby as she grows and develops a little personality – and my, does she have a personality! I have never enjoyed anything more than the pure joy and delight that comes from doing whatever I can to make Ellie laugh, giggle, or coo – depending on what stage she was throughout this past year! I continually prayed for her to be a joyful baby when she was in my womb, and she is joy personified! She is such an easy, relaxed, peaceful baby. I often pinch myself, thank the Lord for his mercy on this first time mom, and pray that God would simply prepare me for whatever my next little girl will be like!

Ellie celebrated her 1st birthday and it was precious! She is so loved and adored, and it was so special to see how such a sweet little one has already made such an impression on so many. Her smile, her laughter, and her joy are contagious! The one thing that has been increasingly difficult is that I have to leave her to go to work everyday. I know that this is my role at this time, and I will be content. But, I cannot wait to be at home and invest 100% of myself into my little pumpkins!

And by pumpkins, I mean TWO bouncing baby girls! I have spent the last third of 2010 pregnant with baby girl #2, and I am already praying how God will use this little one. I am already struggling with trying not to assume she’ll be another Ellie Rose. I want to give her the opportunity to be her own unique person, with her own set of skills, struggles, and quirks! But, I DO pray that she will be healthy, joyful, and aware that God has created her for great things! I really believe that for each of my girls! God has blessed Jon and I with the task of caring for these precious babies here on Earth. And I can’t wait to see how he’s so carefully knit together each one of their little dreams, hopes and wishes!

Jon has had a tremendous year as well. It is becoming abundantly clear as the years pass by that he was MEANT to be a surgeon! The Lord has so gifted his hands, and although he is perhaps unaware of this, God has transformed not only his mind, but also his heart, and his ability to really care for his patients. He has received many thank you letters and compliments from his patients, colleagues and superiors alike, and I am so proud of him! I remember how shy and unsure of himself he was when he first started med school. His confidence and comfort with “small talk”, new environments, and constant change-have really strengthened his practice as a doctor. I love having been with him through this process since its infancy. And the transformation from man to doctor has been astounding. What an amazingly talented, gifted, skilled, and humble man I married! Thank you Lord for continuing to show me the depth of this man who is not only my best friend and soul mate-but YOUR servant! I pray I can spur him on as he continues to grow in his practice, as seeks how you’ll use him and his skills in this world.

As for me, I have learned so much this year as a child of God, a wife, and a mother. I have really come to terms with some personal demons and struggles. I am sorting through them, and God has been so faithful as I strive to refine myself and be a more Godly mom, wife, and friend. There is so much more “life that has been lived” between the words I’ve just written to sum up my year, but you get the gist. I am a definite work in progress, and the journey keeps getting more and more exciting!

So, my resolution for 2011. What word would be appropriate? Invest…surrender...create…contentment…trust…reach…pursue? So many goals, but I think I will steal my friend’s from last year and start with INVEST. I want to spend 2011 INVESTing in every area of my life. I have many ideas of how this will manifest itself. But I can best think of INVEST with regard to my mind, body and spirit, and all persons and things affected thereby.

I’m exhausted already just thinking about it! ☺