The past 24 hours have been some of the toughest hours of my parenting thus far. My sweet daughter, Ellie, who has been and remains a remarkably bright and passionate little girl-has been going through a hard time. Her beautiful heart is so troubled by the terrible two’s/teething/a battle of the wills – or something of that nature. Bedtime and naptime have become times we dread rather than times of peace. More often than not I find my little Ellie resisting and testing rather than obeying. I know this is all normal, but I feel helpless. It’s a terrible thing to feel lost. Although, I have a feeling “help” and “now what” are common threads woven throughout one’s parenting story. As a perfectionist and doting mom, I desire nothing more than to figure out the problem, find a solution-and be done with it. Let’s get right back to having well-behaved kids that do what I want them to do. For the most part-we’ve been blessed to have that parenting experience up to this point. I realize that my children have been very good babies, and while they continue to be great kids-I knew we were about due for some rougher waters.
Wait a minute, you mean she has her OWN ideas about things? She’s her own little unique person with her own mind and desires and ideas? Wait a minute, was this disclosed in the paperwork I signed in my sleepless state at the hospital before we took her home? J Where’s that instruction manual!
The hardest part is feeling so helpless and lost as to what to do. The truth is that there is no perfect answer because every child and circumstance is different. I have realized that I am not perfect, I cannot figure everything out, and I will make many mistakes. But hopefully-I will work though them with a patient and loving heart, and a humble spirit. I think one of most difficult realizations I’ve experienced as a mom is realizing how proud/ignorant/arrogant I can be. It’s increasingly obvious that I am out of my realm of knowing what to do, and I desperately need the grace and guidance of my gracious heavenly father to lead me along these crooked paths. I am so thirsty for parenting advice, wisdom and guidance. I’ve been reading books, listening to radio segments, reading blogs, you name it. Yet-God is the only one there at 2 in the morning when you don’t know what else to do.
I heard something during a Focus on the Family parenting pod cast the other day that really stuck with me. The guest speaker mentioned that she often counsels parents who have done everything “right”, and yet their children continued to stray from their parent’s counsel. She reminded the audience “Who is the perfect parent – God, of course. And yet, how many times do we ignore, neglect or disobey his instruction and counsel.” This brought me comfort in remembering that I cannot control who my children become. I can only lead by example, seek the Lord in parenting them, and then trust that God will take care of guiding their hearts to Him and His ways. This must be why praying for our kids is so important. My children are not “mine”. They are God’s. I am merely blessed with the task of doing my best to lead them to Him. I am always comforted in knowing that in everything, yes EVERYTHING, I can seek the Lord for comfort and encouragement. He has walked this road, and lived this life. He knows EXACTLY how I feel. Thank you Jesus for always being a source of comfort and refuge for my soul.
